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We protect our family in every other way. Why do we forget this? We’re sharing real ways to protect your children and family from pornography online.
I don’t know a single mother that would let her child play near a street without supervising him. We make sure that our whole family is buckled in before we leave the driveway. I could make a list of 100 things we all do to protect our families every day.
Why in the world do we let our computers, cell phones and other devices go un-monitored?
You want to know why I think? I think that we want to believe that our husband, our children…that we are not susceptible to the myriad of temptation that awaits in cyberspace.
If you think that, I’ll start out nice. I’ll give you that one. Maybe your family is not ever tempted to do wrong online. Ever. But guess what? The bad stuff is so pervasive and sneaky that it shows up even when you’re not looking for it.
Oops!
I never really believed that, by the way. I’d hear people say, “I was just searching for a new cookie recipe and all of the sudden there was porn on my computer.” Yeah, right.
Well now that it’s happened to me, I am not quite so judgmental.
In trying to grow The Sparrow’s Home, I have broadened my social media boundaries, adding Instagram, and Twitter to my already existing accounts at Facebook and Pinterest.
In my first few months on Twitter, pornographic images the likes of which I’ve never seen have appeared on my screen. And I am not exaggerating. I was looking for a youth ministries page and was greeted with large images of sex acts occurring. I typed nothing suggestive in my search, nor did I mis-type. Yet there it was.
And we have filters on our devices.
The Best Online Protection
Nothing is perfect, I’ve learned, in protecting against every image, every site. But I want to tell you about the very best online protection resource we’ve found.
It’s called Covenant Eyes. (Job 31:1 says, “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.”)
Covenant Eyes is two-fold. First, it is a filtering software. We have it installed on every device that has internet access. Phones, tablets, laptops…everything. You are able to set your limits on what you want blocked, and have a parental password to override a blocked site.
The filter is important. It’s a big piece of why we use Covenant Eyes. But it’s not the main reason we chose it. There are lots of filtering software out there.
We chose Covenant Eyes because it’s also an accountability measure.
Here’s how it works. You set up your account with any number of accountability partners added. When my husband initially added this to our computer 10 years ago, he had a group of men that each installed it on their computer and listed each other as partners. They each listed their own wife as well.
Every week a report is sent to all accountability partners. Inappropriate search terms, or website visits are highlighted. A list of every site visited can be obtained as well.
Knowing that someone else is seeing your online activity…well, that makes you think about that click, doesn’t it?
Covenant Eyes costs just $14.99 a month for both the filtering and accountability measures. But if you give it a try through a link here, you’ll get your first month free. FREE! We’ve used this service for so long, and I’ll be honest with you…I’d pay much more for the blessing that it’s been to my family. Much. More.
And may I say here, their customer service is top notch. Incredibly helpful and patient, always figuring out a way to help. A+
Protect Your Family
I want to say again: nothing is going to protect your family 100% from online porn or generally inappropriate material. Sites like Twitter, Youtube, Tumblr, Instagram…even Pinterest, can have posts that are pornographic show up and no filtering software is going to block it all before it reaches your family’s eyes.
That’s why it’s important to have other safeguards in place. I’d love to hear about some of the ways you protect your family. I wish I could say we’re perfect at monitoring everything that our kids do online, but we’re simply not.
We have a policy of checking the browser history on laptops…we check cell phones…we have an open door policy when computers are being used…the only social media site our kids are on is Facebook…and we don’t allow apps like Snapchat on any of our phones.
We also made sure the boys knew early on that every single site is monitored by Covenant Eyes and sent to us weekly.
While it would be nice to live in a protective bubble, we recognize that our kids won’t be in our home forever. It’s our job to teach them how to navigate this world as adults, and keep intimacy in its proper place. Since they are teenagers, we try to have the same rules for ourselves as we do for them. We want them to see that it’s not just “rules”, but a wise way to live.
They know that my husband chooses not to have a Twitter account for the same reason we’ve told them they can’t. We don’t use Snapchat. We make our browser history an open book. And Covenant Eyes is a tool we chose to use even before they were online, and one we hope they’ll choose to use when they leave our home.
Statistics
Going back to how nice I was at the beginning when I gave you the benefit of the doubt that no one in your house would be tempted by online pornography. I want to share some statistics with you that may change your mind.
According to a survey conducted by the Barna Group in the U.S. in 2014: The following percentages of men say they view pornography at least once a month:
18-30-year-olds, 79%
31-49-year-olds, 67%
50-68-year-olds, 49%
The following percentages of men say they view pornography at least several times a week:
18-30-year-olds, 63%
31-49-year-olds, 38%
50-68-year-olds, 25%
But surely not Christian men, you say. Christian men are different.
According to that survey, 64% of self-identified Christian men view pornography at least once a month compared to 65% of non-Christian men.
Do you see that? The difference is only 1%. Christians are not immune from this temptation. In fact, across the board it seems that the statistics for Christians and online pornography are not very different from non-Christians.
When looking specifically at teen behavior, one survey showed that 71% of teens have done something to hide what they do online from their parents (this includes clearing browser history, minimizing a browser when in view, deleting inappropriate videos, lying about behavior, using a phone instead of a computer, blocking parents with social media privacy settings, using private browsing, disabling parental controls, or having e-mail or social media accounts unknown to parents).
And while only 32% of teens admitted to accessing pornographic material intentionally, 70% said they have accidentally stumbled across porn online.
Would you let your child play with a toy unsupervised if there was a 70% chance they might accidentally injure themselves with it?
This next statistic just makes me sad, and reinforces to me the need for accountability. After listing lots of stats on pastoral use of porn, the report says:
75% of pastors said they do not make themselves accountable to anyone for their Internet use.
The Covenant Eyes website has some fantastic informational resources available. Just click on the ‘E-Books’ tab to access them. Their book on Porn Statistics is where I got the above stats, and is a little overwhelming, to be honest.
In the e-book called, “Your Brain on Porn”, there is a section on 5 Biblical Ways to Renew the Mind. The first way is to Walk in Accountability.
Christian accountability, the book tells us, is about being honest with another trusted believer about our temptations, sins, and the state of our heart. It is meant to be a dialogue, though. One in which we are able to speak grace and truth into each other’s lives.
If, in the course of writing this blog, I could convince my readers of the benefit of just one thing it would be Covenant Eyes. I really love my healing salve, and I am sold out on the method of homeschooling high school we’ve chosen… but they don’t matter like this matters.
This matters.
Are you a Harry Potter fan? (If not, please bear with me for a sec). You know that scene in the last movie where Professor McGonagall brings the statues in the castle to life? She says, “Hogwarts is threatened! Man the boundaries! Protect us! Do your duty to our school!”
Chill bumps every time.
Men and women of God, I say to you, “Your family is threatened! Man the boundaries! Protect them! Do your duty to your children!”
It’s worth it. I promise.
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If you know someone who struggles with an addiction to pornography, or has someone in their life who does, please click below for resources of hope you can refer them to.
Patti Gardner says
Several years ago (2003, I think), I was looking for a zip code for the White House. My daughter had written a letter to President Bush, and we didn’t know the zip code for Washington D.C. So, I went to whitehouse dot com. Silly me, I didn’t realize it needed to be whitehouse dot gov.
Well, of course, that would be how porn people work, to catch innocent, unsuspecting school children. Whitehouse dot com is (then anyway) a porn site. I was completely appalled at what showed up on my computer, and through nothing I had been searching for. How easy it would be for a child or teen to be doing a legitimate search and have porn pop up on them.
Renee says
To those who think this isn’t a big deal or does not really matter…..This absolutely DOES matter. Thank you for being willing to discuss this sensitive subject. Pornography is killing our nation and is a much bigger problem than people realize.
Tara says
I have heard great things about Covenant Eyes. I’ve been wanting to use something similar. My additional concern is when other people bring their devices into our homes (like our kids’ friends), and they don’t have the same blocks on their device and can share with my family. I have been looking for a way to place blocks on the modem itself so it’s not just device-specific. I’d love to hear anyone’s thoughts or experience with this.
Susan says
Tara, I have had exactly the same concern. So far, I’ve not found anything that does that. (If anyone else does, I’d love to hear about it, too!) We have made rules about only using our devices when friends are over. Like I mentioned above, we’ve used Covenant Eyes for over 10 years. The filter is good, but the accountability piece has been the biggest benefit. We tell everyone we know about it.
Nita says
I’m and engineer and trust me, this is bad. As a mom and a homeschooling working parent this is a major concern as my kids are unmonitored online until I can check or verify what they are doing. So, I found curriculum that is dvd based, or I use splashscreen that shows what they are doing. Truth is, it’s hard for me to even keep up with how savvy kids are and how many new applications are available to them. Items you wouldn’t even consider accessible are – like video game systems that can do searches online of porn and moms/dads would never know. I haven’t tried Covenant Eyes, but there are many solutions out there. Parents just have to be diligent.
Helene says
I had never heard of covenant eyes! Thanks for sharing this today!
Susan says
We tell everyone we know about it. It’s been a real Godsend to our marriage, and a tool I wouldn’t want to be without. Hope you are blessed by it too!
Mother of 3 says
I do worry about what content might pop up even on sites like Youtube, Netflix, etc. it’s amazing what comes up “next” and how inappropriate it is versus what we were just watching. …
Susan says
Amen! I worry about that too. And the thing is, no matter how many protections we put in place, nothing substitutes for actually talking with our kids about how to handle stuff like that.
Angela says
We love covenant eyes! I am so glad you posted on this topic. It needs to be addressed more.
Susan says
We feel the same way, Angela. Good to meet another fan! Thanks for stopping by–
Lauren C. Moye says
I’ve known men who have used Covenant Eyes before. It’s a great tool for people who struggle with pornography.
Susan says
It is a great tool! Even for those who don’t have that struggle, it is a fantastic preventative measure. Thanks for stopping by today!
Laura says
Thanks for writing about such an important issue. As the mother of a boy, I know we will be navigating this as he gets older (he is a baby right now and does not use any electronics).
Susan says
Yes, you have some time before he’ll be navigating the internet, although kids are starting earlier and earlier. 🙂