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Teens and Social Media: Is Humiliation Inevitable?

January 23, 2017 by Susan 17 Comments

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As if youth isn't full of enough opportunities to embarrass oneself locally. Are teens and social media a recipe for disaster?

Is anyone else crazy thankful that social media didn’t exist when you were young?  I embarrassed myself perfectly well the old-fashioned way, thank you very much: Locally.

The advent of social media has taken normal teenage angst, the awkwardness of youth, and the misinformed (but oh-so-passionate) pleas of young adulthood and turned them into international news.

And in an amazing turn of manipulation, these young people have been convinced that this is a good thing!  Remarkable. 

I’d like to speak some wisdom I’ve gained over the years and hope that it may spare even one person the humiliation I’ve witnessed occurring on social media.  Young people, listen up!

The Diary Lesson

Several years ago, I came across a diary I’d kept in middle school.  It made me cringe to read things I’d written that I felt so sincerely at the time.  I don’t even remember who I wrote this about 

He looked at me today.  I will love him forever.  

Keep in mind that when I wrote this I still had five Cabbage Patch dolls that I sang to sleep every night to Stuck on You played on my Lionel Ritchie cassette tape.

Fast forward to college.  

I drank the Kool-Aid big time.  I fit this quote (often mis-attributed to Winston Churchill) to a tee, aside from the ages being off:

If you’re not a liberal when you’re 25, you have no heart.  If you’re not a conservative by the time you’re 35, you have no brain.

I have had to back pedal on many a heartfelt political opinion expressed at family holidays from those early days.  I hadn’t quite learned the art of disagreeing yet.

Lesson:  What you feel passionately about right now,  you may change your opinion on as you gain age and wisdom.  Try to say what you think with a grain of humility.  You may have to eat those words someday.

The Hand Sweatshirt

Ahhhhh, the hand sweatshirt.  Still have it in a box in the basement.  

White shirt (well, it used to be) artistically covered with multi-colored handprints.  The night I got the long, thigh length sweatshirt, I lay awake thinking of all the ways I could wear it.  

It would go with jeans, leggings, sweat pants, it’s long enough to be a dress (it wasn’t), I could belt it… and on and on.

I loved it so much, I wore it on a rotating schedule for most of 7th grade.  Monday, Wednesday, Friday one week.  Tuesday, Thursday the next.  (I washed it about every other night to keep it fresh.)

Yes, my two older sisters mocked me.  Yes, my parents told me I looked like an idiot.  No, I didn’t listen.

Years later, in high school, I was talking to some girls a grade ahead of me.  The hand sweatshirt somehow came up and one girl said, “That was you?!”

Lesson:  When people who love you tell you that you’re making a fool of yourself…trust them.  There are likely loads more who are thinking it and just not telling you.

The Valentine

Second grade.  Valentines Day.  

Shoe box valentine card ‘mailboxes’ were stationed on top of every student’s desk.  I made my way around, delivering the small, multi-pack cards to my classmates.  Except for one.  My crush.

No way some generic card would do to get his attention.  Nope.  I bought a gen-u-ine Hallmark card.  It had a picture of a small animal, peeking out of a hole in the ground and on the inside it said, “Valentine, I really gopher you.”

Didn’t exactly get the reaction I’d hoped for.

In short, he opened and threw away the card as quickly as he could and ignored me completely.

Lesson:  Maybe don’t be quite so open about your feelings, especially publicly.  People don’t know how to respond to that.  Take a step back and slow it down. (And maybe get to know someone a little before going for the grand gestures. They play well in rom-coms, but are usually pretty cringey in real life.)

Bonus Advice

One final piece of advice I’d like to offer, but don’t have a story for, since social media was not around way back in the ice age of my youth.  Here it is:  

Social media is not your personal counseling service.

Teens, Social Media, and Humiliation: Is it Inevitable?

I have read a number of articles which refer to studies that indicate that using social media can cause you to feel worse about yourself, make you generally more unhappy, and even cause or exacerbate depression.  

When you are constantly comparing your worst self to others’ best selves, and judging your worth based on how many ‘likes’ or responses you get — it’s no wonder!

Find a real person to talk to.  Or at the very least, reach out via private messaging to a trusted advisor.  And re: lesson #2 above…listen to their advice!

Really there’s one thing you could do that would solve all of the possible humiliations above. ==>

Keep a private journal.

It is a lie that everything you think must be made public.  Believing that lie is what gets you into those situations.  Go ahead and record your every thought, every lovesick plea, every passionate belief.

Then do what the rest of us did:  pack it away and laugh about it 20 years later.

 

 

Related Post: Parents wow the kids at dinner tonight with your mastery of teen slang!

 

Are teens and social media a disaster waiting to happen? Click here to read some advice for young people who've been duped into believing that their every thought needs to be publicized.

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Filed Under: Family, Parenting Tagged With: parenting

Comments

  1. Chondra Rankin says

    January 23, 2017 at 8:35 am

    Susan, this was AWESOME! Oh, boy, I think I could find MANY similar (or worse!) stories in looking at my younger years. Yikes! Great thing we are getting better with age!! 🙂

    Reply
  2. Roy A. Ackerman, PhD, EA says

    January 23, 2017 at 8:53 am

    Just so you know, I was a radical before I was 25- and am still way too the left. (Ok, maybe not. Too many folks have moved to the nationalistic, unquestioning right, so even soom that were in the middle find themselves lefties now.)

    Reply
  3. Hope F says

    January 23, 2017 at 9:08 am

    Great post and lots of wisdom in there.

    I would add that my boss recently sat down with a group of college graduates and he made a point to say that employers ARE looking at your online presence. He specifically pointed to me as an example and said, “I hired Hope a few weeks ago, and before I even agreed to meet her I saw that she has a public Instagram and I looked at every single picture, and a private Facebook where I could see nothing but a tasteful profile picture.” He went on to say that he’s denied interviews to people for things he’s seen online. So, if you insist on posting everything in your life on social media, make your profile private because people are watching!

    Reply
    • Susan says

      January 23, 2017 at 10:32 am

      Oh such good advice!! Thank you for adding it. I have known people to be reprimanded or even fired from jobs as a result of what they posted (or even just ‘liked’) online. Solid wisdom!

      Reply
  4. Brooke says

    January 23, 2017 at 10:13 am

    I enjoyed reading your recollections. You’re an amazing writer!
    – Brooke

    Reply
    • Susan says

      January 23, 2017 at 10:30 am

      Thank you, Brooke! That is quite a compliment coming from you (since I have read your writing as well!). 🙂

      Reply
  5. Kelsey says

    January 23, 2017 at 1:34 pm

    I enjoyed reading this and cringing along with you, thinking of my own similar stories!

    Reply
  6. Anne Zarraonandia says

    January 23, 2017 at 6:35 pm

    Good post. I have a 15 1/2 year old son and while he has passed through the middle school years of social media, high school is challenging enough regarding friends that he may regret what things he has posted later. I try to tell him that those posts will NEVER go away. I am so glad that we had “notes” and “letters” and the old fashion way of being young. So tough for today’s youth. Thanks!

    Reply
    • Susan says

      January 23, 2017 at 8:43 pm

      Right?! And being embarrassed with the notes felt like it would last forever…for these kids, it really will! Blessings to your family–

      Reply
  7. LadyInRead says

    January 23, 2017 at 11:59 pm

    Great post! I am certainly glad we did not grow up in a world where social media ruled.. while it has its benefits (many, in fact, that I cannot deny), we need to be aware of its power as you pointed out..

    Reply
    • Susan says

      January 24, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      Absolutely! It’s is a remarkable tool to stay in touch, share ideas, and more. It’s learning to use that tool safely and wisely that we need to focus on. Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

      Reply
  8. Jana S. says

    January 26, 2017 at 11:42 am

    Advice for teenagers and social media: Like the article said, not everything you do/ or think needs to be public. Also, be careful about who you add on social media, make sure you have personal lines drawn. For example: I don’t put anything “risqué” on the internet ( I also don’t do anything like that, for that to be possible.) However I don’t add the majority of my residents ( I am a resident assistant) to the majority of my social media- my social media is for myself, my friends, and my family. So that is a “line” per say that I have to define my personal life and my work life. Teens should also remember not to compare themselves to anyone else, that shouldn’t be the purpose of social media, If you have it, use it to post your own pictures that you love, or share quotes that inspire you, not to make someone else jealous or envious.

    Reply
    • Susan says

      January 26, 2017 at 7:52 pm

      Good thoughts all, Jana. Being aware of how ‘risque’ your posts are is so important! Nothing remains secret, and employers do look at social media for sure. Also, the idea of monitoring who you add to your social media is something a lot of people don’t do. And it matters!

      Reply
  9. Shelly says

    January 30, 2017 at 10:58 am

    Great post! I recently read through some of my middle school and college journals, and even though they were only five or ten years ago for me, I was cringing the whole time! It’s crazy how much you can mature and change in just a few years even.

    Reply
  10. Allison says

    January 30, 2017 at 11:09 am

    I think being humiliated is just a part of being a teen haha! But what is worse is the humiliation you feel later because you’ve said something really, really mean. On social media, it is amplified, because the whole world sees that you’ve seen something mean. So I always tell teens, to follow the “if you don’t have something nice to say…” rule.

    Reply
    • Susan says

      January 30, 2017 at 12:29 pm

      Amen!

      Reply

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