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When you’re looking for closure, is it possible to heal without having your questions answered; and are there times when it’s better to pass on the chance to ask them even if it comes?
If you had the chance to seek closure about a difficult situation from your past, is there anything that would cause you to pass it up?
I’m not sure where this idea of ‘closure’ even came from. Is it just a cop-out to avoid dealing with hurt, to escape taking responsibility for our own healing? Or could it be that, deep down, we just want to know why.
Why did you do it? Did you even know all that I went through? Do you care?
When our life falls apart, when we walk through the darkest valley, there is something within us that wants someone to see the fallout of their actions. And more than that, we want to know that our hurt matters to them.
Lots of things prevent us from experiencing this illusive closure that we’re looking for. People go away, they die, contact is lost. In these cases, it may be physically impossible to ever have a conversation with someone to ask them the questions that we think will satisfy us.
Other times, even when we’re given the possibility of closure, the smart thing to do is to walk on by. Some relationships are best left in the past.
The truth is that in both cases–whether closure is impossible or just not wise– the answer is the same…God is enough.
I am not saying that your hurt isn’t real, or deep, or even crushing. What I’m saying is that the longer you allow yourself to dwell on it, waiting for someone else to give you permission to move on, the longer you are not living God’s best for you.
Let me tell you something about my past:
Through some really bad choices by me and other people in my life, I ended up paying some pretty large consequences.
God’s grace is so real to me, I feel like I literally am walking around clothed in it every single day.
My healing has had to come without closure, on a lot of fronts. And there have been times I’ve thought I needed it to fully heal. What I’ve found, though, is that God is enough even when it doesn’t feel like he is enough. He’s enough to move forward. Enough to get past the hurt. Enough to be whole.
Having people in your life who remind you of that and walk with you can make all the difference. Y’all, that’s why our tagline here at The Sparrow’s Home is what it is. Life is hard. God is good. And we so very much need each other.
Looking for Closure
So back to my original question: If you had the chance to seek closure about a difficult situation from your past, is there anything that would make you pass it up?
You see, I had an opportunity recently and I did let it pass.
Did I spend the rest of the day with my stomach in knots thinking of all the things I wish I could have said and wondering, why now after all this time? Yes, I did. Did I throw up a few times? Maybe.
But despite second-guessing myself, I know that I made the best choice.
I did take my thoughts and write out a response that I would have liked to have given, just for my own peace of mind. You might be surprised how healing that is. To say the things…ask the things…
And doing that also reminded me that I didn’t need answers to get to the place that God has already brought me, and without this recent reminder I wouldn’t have been looking for them now.
Answers are not guaranteed even if you ask for them, you know. Answers that change anything are really not guaranteed.
You may want to tell someone you wish you had made different choices and ask for their forgiveness. Maybe you want to say that you forgave them long ago, and really do wish the best for them. You could be wondering if they hurt you on purpose, or if you were merely collateral damage. Or maybe you just want to know if they knew about your pain, your life crumbling because of them. And more than knowing, did they care…then or now. Maybe it is all of those things.
Sigh…so we never get to say these things to someone.
God is enough.
Never get to ask them why.
God is enough.
I promise you it’s true even when it doesn’t feel true….God is enough.
Check out this guest post by my friend Jeremy – Do you ever feel like you’re too broken for God to use?
If you are looking for closure too, I’m praying you find peace in Him today