This post may contain affiliate links. See my disclosure for more information.
Rejection hurts. No matter how you try to spin it, it leaves a wound. When it is someone else being rejected, we are quick to share our platitudes, as genuine as they might be.
Maybe next time.
It’s not you.
You did great.
There’s something better out there for you.
Someday it’ll all make sense.
All potentially true. Yet none heals the sting of not measuring up. Don’t misunderstand me, I am a firm believer that we need people to speak truth into our hearts when the truth doesn’t feel true. But sometimes…it’s also ok to just say, “That sucks. I’d be hurt too.”
When someone I love is suffering, I’m tempted to focus on the positive as well. But when I look back at the times I felt the most supported, it was through people who spoke truth to me, but still left room for the sadness.
When someone is perpetually and exclusively positive in the face of disappointment, it just doesn’t feel genuine.
I know, I know…the joy of the Lord is our strength.
But can’t joy be found through tears sometimes? Can’t God be praised in our resigning ourselves to His will even though it hurts?
I think that may even be the most lovely joy….the most beautiful kind of praise.
The Lone Domino
We all want to see ourselves as part of a greater plan. Part of something beyond just us. After all, without that expectation, what hope is there?
I know you’ve seen those big domino displays. Someone meticulously places individual dominoes in a pattern that, when things go right, can be amazing. They can climb steps, show beautiful designs, spell words, and cover immense spaces.
The builder has a vision in mind before he begins, and he places each domino exactly where it needs to be to accomplish its purpose. And when things go according to plan…super cool stuff can happen.
But the truth is, it doesn’t always feel like we’re part of something super cool or amazing. Sometimes it feels like we are one lone domino, standing out on our own, trying to make a difference….and failing.
.
This is the perfect place for an analogy about how we need to find our purpose together or how God is the great domino display builder and He has a purpose for you.
All that’s true, of course. But today it’s ok to simply say, ‘That sucks. I’d be hurt too.’
Because sometimes when you fall down it doesn’t feel like your falling was part of something bigger or better or beautiful. Sometimes it was just you, getting knocked down.
Tomorrow we’ll pick ourselves up. We’ll take our place in the beautiful design of the master domino builder. And maybe when we look back on this rejection, we’ll see the purpose. Because the truth is, well…the truth. Whether we feel it at the moment or not.
.
The LORD is near to the brokenhearted And saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18
After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
I really appreciate the acknowledgment that it’s okay to validate someone’s feelings without resorting to what can feel like cliches. Sometimes the best comfort is to recognize hurt and sorrow without trying to justify it (which can feel like it’s being minimized by the person who is suffering). Your suggestion to simply acknowledge their pain is great advice.
Thanks for stopping by, Shelley. You’re right, it can feel minimizing, and we’re all guilty of doing it, aren’t we? I always say that it’s better to say something rather than nothing, but still, we need to think about what we’re saying, and what we might like to hear in a similar situation.