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What do you think this pastor said creates most of the problems that come through his door? The answer might surprise you!
For the past 9 years, every June, my family spends a week in Indiana at Midwest Family Camp, held at lovely Camp Mack on Lake Waubee. Last week was that week!
During our first worship service, I prayed that God would direct my conversations for the week. I so look forward each year to good conversation with people who make me better. I prayed that God would lead who I talked to and what we talked about, that I would hear and receive what I needed to and that I would share with others what He wanted me to.
He is a good God, and He answers our prayers.
I did have many wonderful conversations that strengthened and encouraged me. There is one that stands out to me that I know I’ll be referencing a lot. It wasn’t even a long conversation. It was one statement, really, that struck me so strongly.
A pastor friend of mine said that he believed that out of all of the counseling he did, all the problems that come through his door, a vast number of them are caused by this:
Single people acting like they’re married, and married people acting like they’re single.
Boom.
Could it be more succinct than that?
Can you just imagine with me how many relational problems could be avoided if this changed.
Let’s look at just one area today that reveals this truth.
Intimacy
Intimacy seems to progress more and more quickly in this era of social media. We tend to bare our souls more easily when it’s just words on a screen. Emotional intimacy is often the lead-in to physical intimacy. And both are things that single people should think about in the context of their future spouse.
You may have already asked yourself what you want to give away to someone who is not your spouse. But have you thought about what you would be comfortable knowing your spouse gave away to someone else before they met you?
I know. You’re sure this one is “the one.” But play along with me for a second and just pretend that there’s a chance he’s not. Now go back and read that last paragraph again.
Ask yourself this: Are you acting now in a way that would allow you to be friends with this person and their future spouse someday?
Can I say something that may ruffle a few feathers? I think that the whole I-kissed-dating-goodbye-courtship movement has contributed to this problem.
Let me explain: I firmly believe that the purpose of dating is to find a marriage partner. And I am all for putting off dating until you’re in a position to think about marriage. BUT, when we pound into our kids’ heads that dating must lead to marriage, they are more apt to get really intimate really quickly.
If you’re just dating “for fun” you are likely to engage in behaviors that you may regret. But if you think you are dating the person you’re going to marry… you also are likely to engage in those very same behaviors.
Can we invent some kind of “pre-dating” where you just get to know people and find out if you think you’d like to date them? Oh wait! We have. It’s called – -being friends!
What is dangerous outside of marriage is a necessity for a healthy one.
Just as our era of online sharing enables easy intimacy for singles, it does the same for married folks. The door is wide open for affairs that begin innocently enough and progress quickly.
Ladies, hear me when I say that it is a bullet to your marriage for you to begin sharing and discussing intimate things with any man not your husband. And to any gentlemen readers, please know that you expose your wife and your marriage to this danger if you deny her intimacy with you.
Talk to her!
I have heard it said numerous times, to wives, “If you don’t keep yourself physically attractive for your husband, there are plenty of other women who will.” While that is 100% true and I do not disagree with it, I have often wondered why the opposite truth is not taught as well.
Husbands, “If you don’t communicate with your wife intimately, there are plenty of other men who will.” So let’s take both of those truths to heart. Ladies, let’s not neglect physical intimacy with our husbands. And gentlemen, work to cultivate emotional intimacy with your wives.
Protect this beautiful gift that God has given. Be intentional in saving it for your one and only.
Can I take a minute to brag on my one and only for a minute? The theme for the week of camp was “Busting Myths”. Greg spoke one evening on The Truths of Creation and the Lies of Evolution. I’m so proud of the man of God that my husband is, and how he’s been obedient in following God’s direction.
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That is a very thought-provoking statement, Susan. It is too bad that many married people act as though they are single. I wish I could teach them all the truth and that they would actually listen! Same with the singles.
Another way I think ‘we’ put pressure on singles to get married is when we ask single young women ‘when is it their turn to be married?’ As though marriage is the ultimate goal in life. What would happen if we asked this instead, “What has God been doing in your life? What is He calling you to do? How are you living fully for Him?” What a difference that would make!
Thanks for linking up with Grace and Truth.
I think your thoughts are spot on, Aimee. It has always bothered me when I hear people asking children if they have a ‘boyfriend’ or ‘girlfriend’. And you’re right, it doesn’t stop as we move to adulthood. I love your alternate questions! Thanks for sharing.
Ah, there’s truth to that statement! We must be so careful to guard our hearts. It is so easy to slip down the wrong path, married or single. We must stay in tune with the One who created our hearts for Him. It is the only way.
Marriage is tough! It takes work every single day, but it is so worth it when we surrender our will to the Lord and serve our spouses!
Good words, it looks like you had a great time at family camp! Thanks for sharing with us at Tuesday Talk!
Ruthie – I’m so glad you stopped by, and I really appreciate your words. They speak wisdom. We don’t talk about how tough marriage can be. So when we look around and see everyone else, seemingly all put together, we think it’s just us. I think it’s the same with parenting. We need to cultivate honesty, be willing to put it out there. Thanks again, and have a great day!
So much truth here for married couples. While every aspect of our marriage is important, I’ve found that physical intimacy with my husband is more significant to our spiritual and emotional union than I ever could have imagined. Thank you for highlighting this, and for sharing it with us at Grace & Truth!
I completely agree, Jennifer. And I think that it’s something we fail to talk about in the church, or even just among women. We need to be “Titus 2-ing” better, don’t we?!