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100 Puns to Make You Roll Your Eyes, Groan, and Shake Your Head

October 23, 2017 by Susan 16 Comments

This post may contain affiliate links.  See my disclosure for more information.

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100 Puns to Make You Roll Your Eyes, Groan, and Shake Your Head

My eldest son really enjoys a good pun.  On a road trip with his cousin, he found lists of puns to read to help keep her awake while she drove.  I think what really kept her awake was the shaking of her head as she begged him to stop.

This one’s for all of the pun lovers out there.

Enjoy!

100 Best Puns Ever

Food Puns

jalapeno business

1- Herb gardeners who work extra get thyme and a half.

2- What does a nosey pepper do?  Gets jalapeno business.

3- Becoming a vegetarian is a big missed steak.

4- “I hate tacos!”  (Said no Juan ever).

5- I met a man whose eyes were covered in ketchup.  His Heinz sight was 20/20.

6- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.

Bible Puns

7- Need an ark?  I Noah guy.

8- How does Moses make coffee?  Hebrews it.

9- Boaz was Ruthless before he married.

10- At what time of day was Adam created?  A little before Eve.

Disney Puns

11- Simba was walking too slowly.  So I told him to Mufasa.

12- Gaston:  Winner of the No Belle Prize.

13- Why is Peter Pan always flying?  He Neverlands.

14- Which Disney princess is a cow’s favorite?  Mulan.

For the Literature Fan

15- Last night, I kept dreaming that I had written Lord of the Rings. My wife said I’d been Tolkien in my sleep.

16- What are you doing in that wardrobe?  It’s Narnia business.

17- Who is Jay Gatsby’s favorite superhero?  The Green Lantern.

18- Dorian Gray jokes never get old.

All About Animals

19- Why don’t crabs give to charity?  Because they’re shellfish.

20-  What do you call a bear with no teeth?  A gummy bear.

21- What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college?  “Bison.”

22- What do you call a pile of cats?  A meowtain.

23- What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?  “It’s pasture bedtime.”

24- If you can think of a better fish pun…let minnow.

animal puns

Science Puns

25-  How do you organize a space party?  You planet.

26- I love the way the earth rotates.  It really makes my day.

27- Be like a proton.  Stay positive.

28-  Why can you never trust atoms?  Because they make up everything.

29- I make horrible science puns.  But only periodically.

 Making Math Funny

30-  Parallel lines have so much in common, it’s a shame they’ll never meet.

31- You know what’s odd?  Every other number.

32- I’m going to this year’s Fibonacci convention  It’ll be as big as the last two years put together.

33- I like angles…to a degree.

34- There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator.  (Only a fraction of people get that joke.)

Grammar Puns

35- I’ll never date another apostrophe.  The last one was way too possessive.

36- The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.  It was tense.

37- I’m close with 25 letters in the alphabet.  I don’t know Y.

38-  A general rule of grammar is that double negatives are a no-no.

Puns are History

39-  Puns about the Civil War?  I General Lee don’t like them.

40- Why were the Middle Ages called the Dark Ages?  Because there were so many knights.

41- Why are there no knock-knock jokes about America?  Because freedom rings.

42- If someone else flew first, it just wouldn’t have been Wright.

43-  Why did Karl Marx hate Earl Grey?  Because all proper tea is theft.

School Puns

44-  What’s a blackboard’s favorite beverage?  Hot chalk-olate.

45- Why was the broom late for school?  He overswept.

46- What subject do witches like best?  Spell-ing.

47-  What do snakes like to study?  Hiss-tory.

For Harry Potter Fans

48- Harry Potter puns can Slytherin to any conversation.

49- I was going to make a Voldemort joke, but everyone nose it.

50- Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?  Because it was making him Moody.

51- Do you play Quidditch?  ‘Cause you look like a Keeper.

Puns from a Galaxy Far, Far Away

bb8 pun

52- If you can’t find a girl who likes Star Wars puns, you’re looking in Alderaan places.

53- How did Luke get around the Forest Moon of Endor after his speeder bike crashed?  Ewoked.

54- Is BB hungry?  No, BB-8.

55- Which program do Jedi use to open PDF files?  Adobe Wan Kenobi.

56- When did Anakin Skywalker become evil?  In the Sith grade.

Holiday Puns

57- What holiday is always late?  Tardi Gras.

58- What holiday does Home Depot sponsor?  Sink-o de Mayo.

59- What is the holiest of Islamic soups?  Top Ramadan.

60- How do you repair a broken jack-o-lantern?  With a pumpkin patch.

61- Why did they ask the turkey to join the band?  Because he had the drumsticks.

Christmas Puns

62- What are Santa’s helpers called?  Subordinate Clauses.

63- What did the doctor say to the gingerbread man?  “I see you’ve got a sore knee.  Have you tried icing it?”

64- What do you call Santa after he falls into a fireplace?  Krisp Kringle.

65- What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?  The Christmas alphabet has no L.

100 Puns to Make You Roll Your Eyes, Groan, and Shake Your Head

For the Hipster in Your Life

66- Where do you drown a hipster?  In the mainstream.

67- How did the hipster burn his mouth?  He drank his coffee before it was cool.

68- Why do hipsters only use microwaves?  Because they don’t like conventional ovens.

Music Puns

69- How do you fix a broken brass instrument?  With a tuba glue.

70-  What do you call a group of musical whales?  An Orca-stra.

71- Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?  Because he asked them who the best composer was, and all they’d say was “Bach, Bach, Bach.”

72- A sheep, a drum and a snake fell down a hill.  Baa-Dum-Tss.

The Men and Women in Blue

73-  If a cop pulls over a U-Haul, is he busting a move?

74- Police were called to the daycare today.  A three-year-old was resisting a rest.

75- Police station toilet taken.  Detectives have nothing to go on.

76- Police jokes aren’t funny, so just give it arrest.

Pun at the Office

77- My boss asked me how well I knew Microsoft Office.  I told him I Excel at it.

78- Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.  You have my Word.

79- We call our office printer Bob Marley because it always be jammin’.

catscan pun

Medical Puns

80- Statistically, 9 out of 10 injections are in vein.

81-  Conjuctivitis.com is a site for sore eyes.

82- The conversation between the brain surgeon and the anesthesiologist was mind numbing.

83- Dogs can’t operate an MRI machine.  But cats can.

84- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

Romantic Punology

85-  Why did the apricot invite the prune to the dance?  Because he couldn’t find a date.

86- How is your long distance relationship going?  So far so good.

87- It was an emotional wedding.  Even the cake was in tiers.

Visual Puns

88-  gangsta wrap

89-  visual puns

90- math humor

91-  Hello, PreciousHello, Precious

92- super Sirius pun

Some Final, Random Puns

93- I gave my dead batteries away.  Free of charge.

94- When I found out my toaster wasn’t waterproof, I was shocked!

95- Two hats were hanging in the hallway.  One said to the other, “You wait here, I’ll go on a head.”

96- What do you call a fat psychic?  A four chin teller.

97- I tried to catch some fog.  I mist.

98- I can’t believe they fired me from the clock factory after all the extra hours I put in.

99- PMS jokes aren’t funny.  Period.

100- Why did the blind man fall into the well?  Because he couldn’t see that well.

Which one is your favorite?  Or do you have another pun you’d like to share?

100 Puns to Make You Roll Your Eyes, Groan, and Shake Your Head. There's something for everyone, arranged by category: food, animals, Harry Potter, Star Wars, literature, work-related, visual puns, and more!

 

100 things

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Filed Under: Family, Homeschool Tagged With: funny, homeschool, kids

Comments

  1. Jerusha Agen says

    October 23, 2017 at 5:32 pm

    Haha! Some of these made me laugh out loud, Susan! Thanks for the humor break. 🙂

    Reply
    • Susan says

      October 23, 2017 at 9:51 pm

      So glad you enjoyed them!

      Reply
  2. Helene says

    October 24, 2017 at 7:46 am

    That was JUST what I needed this morning! I read them aloud and we all laughed. My favorite was the Mozart one.

    Reply
    • Susan says

      October 24, 2017 at 9:25 am

      I have a friend who just got chickens, and I thought of her when I found that one! Glad to bring a smile today. 🙂

      Reply
  3. shelley says

    October 27, 2017 at 1:27 pm

    I love puns! Pinned this and sharing in a roundup post to publish on 11-4-17.

    Reply
    • Susan says

      October 27, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      Thanks, Shelley! Great to meet another pun lover, too. 🙂

      Reply
  4. Molly says

    November 8, 2017 at 9:56 am

    Okay I love these way too much 😂

    Reply
    • Susan says

      November 8, 2017 at 10:08 am

      Thanks, Molly. It was fun collecting them!

      Reply
  5. Louise says

    November 8, 2017 at 10:23 am

    As a non English person, this was very funny. Thank you so much great laughs on this fine Wednesday 😀 Love Lou

    Reply
  6. Aly Halbakken says

    November 8, 2017 at 10:48 am

    The Bible ones are my favorite. I’m going to bookmark this for future reference. Thanks for a good Wednesday laugh.

    Reply
  7. Hayley says

    November 8, 2017 at 11:10 am

    Those Disney puns literally killed me! 🙂

    Reply
  8. Carin says

    November 8, 2017 at 1:15 pm

    This gave me just the daily giggle I’ve been looking for! Thanks for putting a smile on my face. 😉

    Reply
  9. Quasimodo says

    April 29, 2022 at 4:00 pm

    This site is just pundemonium

    Reply
    • Susan says

      April 30, 2022 at 9:51 pm

      🙂

      Reply

Trackbacks

  1. Practical Ideas for Homeschooling Moms - 8 - The Kennedy Adventures! says:
    June 18, 2020 at 9:09 pm

    […] kids and I laughed hysterically at these puns …. you’ll find […]

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  2. 3 Ideas for Introducing Poetry at Homeschool Co-op - 7sistershomeschool.com says:
    July 29, 2021 at 12:55 pm

    […] Our buddy, Susan, from A Sparrow’s Home has a BUNCH of puns to get you started. […]

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100 Puns to Make You Roll Your Eyes, Groan, and Shake Your Head. There's something for everyone, arranged by category: food, animals, Harry Potter, Star Wars, literature, work-related, visual puns, and more!

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