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Is it a result of the Self-Esteem movement? Reality TV? Child focused parenting? Or just the general breakdown of society? I don’t have an answer.
Why does it seem increasingly common to encounter people who are unable to deal with disagreement?
Oh No! We Disagree!
- Last month, on a Christian Homemakers group I belong to on Facebook, the subject of Halloween came up. There were loads of comments. Some were not the most tactful, but none were attacking or out of line. People were sharing their views and why they held them. Midway down the comments, one lady posted something along these lines, “I just can’t handle this. We are all Christians and should agree. I am leaving this group.”
- Several years ago, I had a lifelong acquaintance (friend, I thought) ‘unfriend’ me on Facebook because she “didn’t need this divisiveness in her life.” Want to know what spurred this? I posted one post..one post in years and years on Facebook…on a Biblical doctrine that she and I disagree on. (And it was not condescending to her view, simply a video I felt had some good teaching). I posted regularly on ‘divisive’ topics like politics, abortion, and homosexuality. But she agreed with me on those. This, however, was too much.
- Do I dare mention the recent debates? Donald Trump repeatedly interrupted with the single word, “Wrong”, and Hillary Clinton rolled her eyes and scoffed condescendingly. And during the VP debate, Tim Kaine interrupted Mike Pence over 70 times!
- Conservative blogger Matt Walsh received a comment on Twitter saying, “I hope your kids are shot.” Because this person disagrees with the words that he speaks and writes. “I hope your kids are shot.”
- Young adults on college campuses cry and retreat into the fetal position, requiring “Trigger Warnings” be given and “Safe Spaces” be created. Are they being threatened with violence? Nope. It’s words. They can’t handle hearing words.
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Playdough. Bubbles. Recordings of Puppy dogs.
These are the individuals who will be in charge of everything one day.
So I ask again…what is going on?!
I have no answers for you. No “List of 8 Ways to Disagree Civilly.” I am dumbfounded.
What I do have for you, as this election day looms, is a few quotes on disagreement that may inspire you…
…to not be the jerk who can’t disagree politely
…to teach your children that hearing words they disagree with doesn’t require a ‘Trigger Warning’
…to seek to learn and grow from disagreement instead of running away
Quotes
“When I disagree with a rational man, I let reality be our final arbiter; if I am right, he will learn; if I am wrong, I will; one of us will win, but both will profit.” -Ayn Rand
“To disagree, one doesn’t have to be disagreeable.” – Barry Goldwater
“Friendship that insists on agreement on all matters is not worth the name. Friendship to be real must ever sustain the weight of honest differences, however sharp they be. ” -Gandhi
“Conflict is inevitable but combat is optional” -Max Lucado
“Civility costs nothing, and buys everything.” -Mary Wortley Montagu
“We have a choice about how we behave, and that means we have the choice to opt for civility and grace.” -Dwight Currie
“In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you…” -Jesus
Give it a shot. Let me know how it goes for you!
And if you want to read more on the subject…I found this article to have some great suggestions. And regardless of how you feel when involved in a disagreement, remember that God is in control!
Roy Miller says
November 7, 2016 at 9:27 amMy mother always said “it is ok to disagree, but we don’t have to be disagreeable.” I have referred back to this many times in my life. Most of the time, if you tell someone this, they will agree.
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Susan says
November 7, 2016 at 10:46 amMothers give the best advice!
heidi says
November 7, 2016 at 12:31 pmWell, my husband says I disagree and fight everything he says lol. I have seen this trigger warning thing all over the Internet and I guess I can see how it’s a good idea and at the same time I wonder are we really that sensitive and easily hurt? Kind of amazing too that it’s selective.
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Susan says
November 7, 2016 at 1:33 pmI think some personalities enjoy debating (some call it arguing) more than others. 🙂 My husband haaaates it, and I kind of thrive on it. Family history definitely plays into that as well…whether you come from a “sweep everything under the rug” kind of family or a more vocal, argumentative one.
Elizabeth Doren says
November 7, 2016 at 4:55 pmAwesome and unbelievably true. It’s like we live in an uncivil circus. What happened to human discourse and level headed debate? Great post.
Susan says
November 7, 2016 at 6:51 pmI love that phrase, “an uncivil circus”. That is IT! Thanks for stopping by.
April says
November 9, 2016 at 9:44 amI had several debates on my page. I didn’t get dirty, even though some others did. I love to debate, because I love to learn and I love to figure out if I’m standing on the right side of a matter. I am, however, disappointed with the outcome of this election, but as my President, I will respect him and pray that God speaks to his heart to actually unite us.
Thanks for stopping by Turn it Up Tuesday! ~Co-host
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Susan says
November 9, 2016 at 2:13 pmI pray that, too, April. And re: getting dirty during debating…it’s so hard to take the high road. Good on you!
Sarah Geringer says
November 12, 2016 at 3:20 amYour post reminds me that though I want people not to reject me when we disagree, I need to have an attitude of grace as well. I have also learned that it’s less confrontational to hide a friend’s feed on Facebook rather than unfriend them.
Susan says
November 12, 2016 at 4:51 pmSpot on, Sarah. It is normal to feel like we’re being rejected when someone disagrees with us, I think that’s where so many of the emotions come from. I’ve found the ‘hide’ feature on Facebook effective, too.
Jennifer Clarke says
November 14, 2016 at 7:58 pmSusan, I very much appreciate this timely word. I engaged with many people on Facebook over the election, and I found the process itself very enlightening. Some people truly enjoy an honest exchange of ideas – myself included! – even and maybe especially when there’s disagreement. But other people cannot handle having conversations with a difference of opinion, instead resorting to bullying and strong-arming in an attempt to force the other person into agreement. For Christians, that ought not be so! We need to trust God enough to work in the hearts of our brothers and sisters, even as He continues to work in our own hearts. Thanks for sharing this with us at Grace & Truth! I’m happy to feature your post at A Divine Encounter on Friday.
Susan says
November 14, 2016 at 8:41 pmJennifer, Thank you so much for your wise words, and the feature. You really hit the nail on the head that just as we ask God to work in our own hearts, we need to be actively praying and trusting that he can work in the hearts of others. I know I forget that frequently. So often we are so eager to share our own point of view that we forget to stop and pray.
Mary Flaherty says
November 18, 2016 at 8:20 amWonderfully written. I wholeheartedly agree. We need to make our own decisions, and respect those of others.